A photo of me looking shit has gone up in an exhibition. Here's why I'm proud...

This Is Also Motherhood

This photo is me close to my worst. I’m shattered - so tired I have gone ashen.

I am in a cosy hoody, jeggings and M&S slippers. My baby triplets are lined up in their bouncers and I am trying to feed all three at once. One bottle propped on my knee, my arms stretched out to reach the other two.

Looking at it now, I can’t believe I lived like that. Twenty-four feeds every twenty-four hours.

But this photo matters because it’s a real portrait of motherhood.

“Other” Motherhood

When my triplets were tiny, I barely had time to go online. And whenever I did, nothing about the mainstream motherhood narrative resonated. Not the tone in baby product marketing. Not the glossy magazine imagery. Not the match-matchy curated reality on social media.

I was having an “other” motherhood. A mixed-race triplet mum with undiagnosed PTSD, just trying to survive the day without killing her husband.

And I know I am not alone. So many of us are living “other” motherhoods that do not match the polished ideal. Maybe you are a single parent. Maybe you had multiples. Maybe you have spent months in hospital. Maybe chronic health challenges shape your family’s life. Maybe your maternity leave was lonely, frightening or nothing like the latte-and-playdate fantasy. Maybe your relationship struggled. Maybe your partner did too.

These stories need telling. Which is why I was honoured to partner with the Maternal Mental Health Alliance for the exhibition This Is Also Motherhood. It celebrates portraits of mental health, strength and survival.

The MMHA sums it up perfectly:

“Imagery of motherhood has been incomplete for some time and a narrow idea of perfection has created unrealistic expectations for many. When reality hits, it can feel jarring and can harm mental health at a vulnerable time of life.”

The Gulf of Not Good Enough

Those unrealistic expectations are the birthplace of mum guilt.

We get trapped in the gulf of not good enough.

As I said in my TEDx, “Society sets the bar unrealistically high and when we inevitably fall short, it is ready to kick us when we are down.”

So we reach for our phones and compare ourselves with people who seem to be doing it all better.

When inside, no matter what we do, how hard we burn ourselves out trying to be a good mum (I’m not going to use the language “perfect mum”), we fail.

And we fail.

And we fail.

And after a while, we may even have moments where we doubt we can even do this. I know I did. I know some of the other women in this exhibition did too.

Which is exactly why the “other” motherhoods must be seen. So we can start honest conversations and normalise motherhood struggles, mental health issues and some of the darker feelings.

Read these brave women’s stories, mum to mum, heart to heart and remind yourself that if you’re having an “other” motherhood, that’s OK too.

TBH most of us are.

Much love, Leila x 💜

ps. This is going out a few days later than planned due to my own mental health this week.