Why Do We Feel Like We Have to Earn Our Rest?

Why mum guilt keeps us running on empty

Last Friday, I was so exhausted and emotional that by the time I put the triplets to bed, I was on the verge of tears. Not a gentle wobble. The kind where everything feels too much, and you’re hanging on by a thread. Actually, I’d been hanging on all day and was running out of thread to hold onto. Two out of three of my boys were ill and wanted to be held constantly. We’d been up all night. It had been a HARD day.

(Pic: Rafa with a temperature of 40)

It was either cry it out or go for a run. I chose the latter.

On that run, I realised that I hadn’t had ten minutes to myself all week. No wonder I was on the edge.

Now, I don’t think I’m an introvert, but the sonic onslaught of 3 x 3-year-olds barking demands and shouting over the top of each other, all day long, all half-term long, left me spent. Craving quiet. Solitude. Just listening to the waves as I run along.

But the house was a tip, there was so much that needed doing. I felt like I should be catching up. Like I hadn’t earned the right to stop yet. Not until the home was neat, calm was restored, and mum-jobs were done for the day.

But I was suddenly so desperate to be on my own, I had to get out. To hell with the mum guilt.

Mum guilt will always tell us there is something more important we should be doing. That we don’t matter. Our needs are at the bottom of the pile. That a break is something we have to earn.

And I’m calling BS on all of that.

We need to stop demonising rest.

There, I said it.

It’s not about hacking, habit stacking, or squeezing more into already full days.

Not starting our mornings at 5am to get ahead.

If we make it to 6:30am without anyone waking up, that’s a win.

Before I had my triplets, I was an entrepreneur locked into that hustle culture. It was all about squeezing every drop, always-on, high performance. Yes, in the short-term it worked. But that was when I had no responsibilities - financial or living and breathing.

But now I know when my body needs to rest. When I need everything to stop. When I need silence. When I need to recover.

But we’ve been conditioned not to listen to our bodies, not to believe them when they are yelling, “Slow down, pause, rest”.

In any case, we can’t afford to when there are always a million things that need doing. Always others vying for our time, attention, energy. We feel like we’re behind all the time, so stopping feels wildly irresponsible. Radical, even.

I did my homework and found that 93% of mums experience burnout. That’s the cost of not listening. Not noticing when we need to give ourselves a break - literally.

(Pic: boys and dog all feeling much better on the beach)

Give yourself a break

On Monday, when the boys went back to forest school (hallelujiah), aside from a couple of calls, I took it easy. I walked along the beach with my dog. I recovered. Yes, it’s totally legit to need to recover from half-term.

I also gave myself a break from my phone. No socials. No WhatsApp. It felt so different. Instead of being in the middle of several things – checking my emails whilst potty training Rafa, whilst cooking the dinner, whilst shouting at the dog – I wasn’t splitting myself between real world and online world in the same moment. I could focus.

My thinking was no longer incessant. It wasn’t that constant, exhausting mental loop of what I hadn’t done, what I needed to do, what I might have forgotten.

I realised I had slipped back into that always-on mindset. That belief that I should be doing more. Being more. Achieving more. But that’s not who I am anymore. And it’s not who I want to be.

I’m calling BS on the whole notion that we need to deserve or earn a break. That we can only have that once everything else and everyone else is taken care of. Because to be honest Mama, that day is never gonna come.

So if your body is telling you you need to rest, take a break. Take it now.

Not later. Not when everything’s done.

Now.

You’ll feel much better for it, trust me.

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I write about mum guilt, the mental load, and the realities of triplet mum life.