Crying over my pitta at 2pm
Half term, pinch points, and putting yourself last
On Sunday, I cried while making lunch.
Yes, I was tired. Jerry wet his bed at 3am and Rafa got up at 5am.
Yes, I was hungry. I’d had a couple of coffees and a mouthful of cinnamon bun that little sticky hands snatched away from me.
But it was more than that.
“NO. I WANT THE PINK PLATE. I WON’T EVER EAT THAT”
This, I’m ashamed to say, was the straw that broke Mama donkey’s back. I suspect I’m not the only mum to be pushed over the edge by mealtime defiance.
My body was screaming at me to feed it properly, and had been all morning. All the time I meal-planned for the week. All the time I pushed the kids around the supermarket. All the time I spent making them lunch. I was way over borrowed time.
They were tired and hungry too. And a whole family that’s tired and hungry is, to quote Bonnie Tyler, like
“living in a powder keg and giving off sparks”.
My husband noticed me weeping over our pitta breads, unable to make the hummus, and put his hand on my back.
“Are you OK?”
I couldn’t even begin to explain what the matter was.
It was everything. The fact that every-fucking-thing today had been on me from the 3am wake-up to making lunch at 2pm. From scraping the mould out of the washing machine to planning a cultural family morning.
It was all me.
Me.
Me.
And all I needed was to eat without someone barking a demand at me.
(Picture of the boys drawing at the Turner Contemporary prior to Pink-Plate-Gate)
We hold everything. We just push through.
We automatically deprioritise ourselves. “I’ll eat in a minute,” we tell ourselves. “I’ll grab something later”. “I just need to get this done first”.
Meanwhile, our stressed bodies are saying, “Woah, I can’t hold on much longer.”
When I finally made some sense. I acknowledged that I was anxious about half-term, which started the next day. No childcare for a week. None of the usual activities I take the boys to are on. And my mum, who often helps me out, is off on a yoga retreat in Sri Lanka - good for her. I always knew moving away from my family would be the hardest thing about relocating. But it’s times like this that it really pinches.
Pinch points
In the talk I gave last week, about the mum guilt-free return to work, we spoke about pinch points. There are times in our year when either things at work or at home are intense.
Half-term is a pinch point.
December is a pinch point.
Going back to work after maternity leave is a pinch point.
Things are intense. Capacity is down. Expectations are up. And, paradoxically, this is where we need to double down on prioritising and looking after ourselves (even though time is tight). This is when we should be cutting ourselves some slack, not just pushing through. Or we wind up crying in our pitta bread.
So I gave myself a break. I told my husband how I was feeling, and we arranged for him to cover me for a call with my coach. He booked family swimming one lunch break. I had a bit of breathing space built into my week. I didn’t feel suffocated anymore.
When Monday rolled around, I had grand plans of taking the boys to the library. I know it’s not exactly Euro Disney (a friend is taking her kids for the week - but I’m not slipping into that comparison trap).
But they weren’t having it.
And for a moment, I felt that pull.
Like I should push it.
Like staying home somehow wasn’t enough.
Then I realised my expectations were working against me. They wanted to stay at home and do puzzles and build towers. So I got to sit on the sofa while they played and reset. That was enough. When we ventured to the beach to walk the dog in the afternoon, everyone was calm and surprisingly balanced.
Lesson learned. I need to build in some pressure valves, some moments of breathing space not just for me, but for them too.
So this half-term, or anytime you’re in a pinch point:
• Stop deprioritising yourself. Eat. Sit down. Take five minutes. You don’t have to come last.
• Drop the “make it magical” pressure. You don’t need a packed schedule of incredibly expensive experiences. Quiet calm is underrated.
• Call it what it is. This is a pinch point. This too shall pass.
Have you ever broken down in the middle of an everyday mum task? Please tell me, I’m not alone…
If this hit a nerve, you’re not alone.
I write about mum guilt, the mental load, and what it really looks like to stop putting yourself last.
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