If “self-love” makes you cringe, read this

Non-icky ways to show yourself some love this V-day.

I don’t feel at ease with the phrase “self-love”. That soft pink fluffy stuff just isn’t me.

Maybe if I’d had a more “normal” childhood, this kind of healthy self-worth would come naturally. But it really doesn’t. Therapists have tried, honestly, they have, but I can’t really do it. It’s so alien to me.

So instead of forcing it and feeling really fake and cringe, I try to reach for the next best authentic thing.

Gratitude.
Respect.
Sometimes even pride, on a good day.

I can be grateful to my body for growing my babies.
I can respect myself for keeping everyone afloat.
I can occasionally feel proud of how I’m handling it all. This week, I was so proud to give a workshop on mum guilt to Joeli Brearley and the Growth Spurt community - welcome any new mamas who met me there!

Below, I’m sharing a few quick, little ways to show yourself some 💜 this V-Day.

1, Spend some time on your own.

Do you remember that scene in the SATC movie where Charlotte hides from her kids in the pantry? I didn’t have kids when I watched it. I didn’t get it. Now, of course, I do.

That’s level one.

Level two is leaving the house on your own.

A walk on your own. A coffee on your own (I treated myself to one this morning). Any kind of treat on your own.

Because most of the time, our brains are scanning:
Who needs me?
What’s next?
What have I forgotten?

For 15 minutes, switch that off.

Ahhh.

2, Look at yourself in the mirror.

Resist the urge to look at the wrinkles, spots or imperfections. Don’t get all judgy. Just give yourself eye contact. Yes, it will feel a little odd, but stay with it.

Now see yourself as someone you’re proud of.

Someone who’s doing her best in a challenging situation.

Someone who deals with the shit that comes her way and finds her way through.

Someone whose kids can rely on her unquestionably.

Someone doing a fucking amazing job.

Hold that gaze a moment more.

3, Shut down that inner critic

My yoga teacher today told me about an experiment in which one group of people said loving words to some flowers and another group said awful words.

Guess which flowers blossomed? Guess which ones died?

We never set out to give ourselves a hard time, but our inner critic can get too loud, too dominant, too convincing. So next time it pipes up, just breathe, notice it and remember it’s just fake news.

Bonus: if you actually buy yourself a nice present, that’s Level 10.

All my love, mamas.

Mwah x