Imposter Syndrome Hits Differently Now I’m A Mum

How mum guilt and Imposter Syndrome can hold you back

Don’t even apply for that. It clashes with your kids’ first week at school.

You should count yourself out.

The timing’s not right.

You’re not ready for that. Look at the other people doing it.

Don’t post that. It’s embarrassing.

You’re selfish.

A good mum wouldn’t.

If I’d have listened to any of this noise in my head I wouldn’t currently be preparing for my first ever festival appearance. Now, I’ve always wanted to take the F*** Mum Guilt message to the festival stage. There is something about me that’s more glitter and dancing than boardroom, probably stemming from my early days as a Latin and Ballroom dancer (long before it was cool).

So when a coach encouraged me to apply to the Glastonbury for Entrepreneurs (Ideas Fest), I was hyped but then at the same time, mum guilt and Imposter Syndrome got together to bully me out of it. To be completely honest, the timing isn’t great. It’s on the triplets’ fourth ever day of school. It’s the first time they’ve been split up, they’ll be in different classrooms. There’s so much change and upheaval and Mummy will be on stage rather than doing pick up.

So my two adversaries have a lot to work with.

(Picture: Me outside the Radcliffe Camera, an iconic circular Oxford University library where I spent many evenings)

I’m no stranger to Imposter Syndrome

I was almost crippled with it when I left my home in Croydon to study English Literature at Oxford University. We ate dinner every night in the banquet hall they used in the Harry Potter films. I was one of a tiny minority of people who weren’t white, many of whom had the sort of public school education that springboards you into the. I was undoubtedly, a fish out of water. I had this feeling that I would get “found out” as a fraud.

But it’s not the same now I’m a mum. It used to be “You’re not good enough” and now it’s categorically, “You shouldn’t even be here” “You shouldn’t even want that” “How could you even think of doing that right now” “You’re a bad mum”.

Imposter Syndrome makes me question whether I am good enough to take the opportunity. Mum guilt makes me question whether I’m allowed to want the opportunity at all. It turns ambition itself into evidence against me. Because if I really were a “good mum”, surely I’d want to be at the school gates instead of on stage?

And yes, I came close to pulling out. Especially when I’ve had six weeks of no childcare so no time to prepare for my festival debut. You can imagine how badly my inner critics have told me I’m going to bomb…

But thankfully I have a framework to turn to when Imposter Syndrome hits, one I created when I was asked to be a co-author of Stacey Dooley’s motherhood book, Dear Minnie. I badly wanted the gig but also feared I’d royally f*** it up, which is how I’m feeling now.

JFDI

J — Just Breathe & Reset
Get out of the spiral before you try to reason with it. I’m going to pause on the “You can’t do this, this is too much, you’re spread too thin” thinking.

F — Flip the Script
Challenge what the imposter voice is telling you and reframe it. OK, I may not be ready but I can have a good time and waiting until I’m ready could mean I never do this.

D — Draw on Your Support System
Use the people around you rather than sitting alone with the doubt. I can reach out to others who have done something similar and share my worries.

I — Imagine the Possibilities
Shift your attention from what if I fail / embarrass myself / shouldn’t be doing this? to what might happen if it goes well. I can imagine the mums I’ll meet, the conversations we’ll have and inviting them all up on stage to dance to Beyoncé’s “Run the World (Girls)”.

God, I really needed to hear that.

If you’re an entrepreneur, solopreneur or interested in that world, come along. I’d love some friendly faces in the crowd/dancing on stage with me.

(Picture: My flier for Ideas Fest)

And if your own inner critics are currently telling you that you’re not good enough, the timing isn’t right or a good mum wouldn’t, perhaps you don’t need to believe them. Perhaps you just need to JFDI.

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