Mama, you were never meant to be "always-on"

Calling BS on the Robo-Mum Myth

If you’re a mum who feels like you’re constantly falling short, you’re not the problem.
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We are not robots. We’re women, whose divine energy flows.

It’s no wonder so many of us feel “not good enough” when we’re trying to operate like machines in bodies that run on waves.

We have periods of inspiration and action like a couple of weeks ago when I suddenly decided to put on the FMG Mother’s Day Takeover, and we also have periods where we need to recover, take things a little slower. And that’s OK.

I spent most of my career as an entrepreneur. The narrative, culture, and rhetoric in that world is dangerously masculine. It’s about pushing, driving, squeezing, dominating, and competing (all of the reasons I now can’t bear to watch Dragon’s Den - it’s genuinely triggering). None of these attributes are really me. I was all about creative collaboration and interesting ideas.

Until one day, in a Google-inspired co-working space, complete with fake palm trees and hammocks, a wise woman explained something that changed everything. Over a tumeric and ginger shot she said:

“Women are cyclical. It’s our divine feminine energy.”

Here’s the nutshell version. We flow, we find it very hard to be the same, bring the same energy every single day. We have peaks and troughs.

Personally, I have days when I crave company and days when I crave solitude. And left to my own devices, I can choose to balance things in a way that works for me. If you’ve ever cancelled a softplay date because you just can’t face it, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

But here’s the rub, our kids, our boss, our societal structures expect us to be the same every day. No matter where we are in our cycle, no matter how much sleep we got last night, no matter how burned out we’re feeling.

Robo-mum

And so we create this impossible standard: The fully switched-on, endlessly capable, never-dropping-a-ball Robo-mum. Oh she’s a peach. She never needs a break, never gets run down, always has a cheery can-do attitude and won’t break no matter how much you heap on her plate. She’ll deliver 24/7/365.

But we are not Robo-mum. No one is.

And when we don’t have the energy to do all the things she’s expected to do - maintain endless enthusiasm for playing shops with toddlers, cooking a healthy dinner that everyone will eat, effortlessly returning the home to a liveable state - we feel shit for coming up short.

The win here isn’t pushing through and trying to convince everyone you’re infallible (as the entrepreneurial bros will tell you). The win is noticing your own body, your energy, and listening to the signals for when you need to slow down a little. I’m writing this in my PJs, and am already thinking about getting under the duvet with a hot water bottle and it’s not yet 9pm.

I did this last week.

I put so much into all our FMG events that the following few days I’m a bit wiped out. So, I admit I did sack a few things off and spend some time enjoying my new Mother’s Day present - a hammock - in the garden last week.

One of the steps of breaking up with mum guilt is to choose intuition over influence.

Listen to what your mind and body are telling you e.g. “You could really do with a quiet couple of days” rather than the shoulds “You should sort the garden out”, “You should book the dentist”, “You should order a new phone.” Blah Blah Blah.

But then I remembered I’d just signed up to a sprint where we meet every Friday, and the cheery coach who runs the session had got us to set SMART goals to complete by the following Friday.

I left that meeting with renewed distaste for all things SMART.

All I wanted to do was lie in that hammock. Until a couple of hours before the meeting, I had a mega productive half hour and managed to get everything done.

Have you heard of Parkinson’s Law?

It’s basically this: a task will take the length of time you have to complete it.

And if there’s one thing mums are exceptional at, it’s getting shit done in tiny windows of time. Don’t tell us we can “Have it all” then use “productivity” as a stick to beat us. There’s nothing you can teach us about time management.

But what gets overlooked is energy management. Energy, our most precious and beautiful resource.

Bottom line: mums are efficient AF.

We will always get the thing done. The point is noticing when the most efficient thing of all is to rest, slow down, and recover.

And it goes without saying, that no one is going to offer you this on a plate. It’s up to you to take it, Mama.

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