Standing Up to Mum Guilt, One Stage at a Time

The magic that happens when you say the hard stuff out loud

I almost didn’t apply for Ideas Fest.

Sure, I’ve always wanted to take the F*** Mum Guilt message to the festival stage, and I’m much more sequins than lecture theatre, but the timing was terrible. It was the boys’ first week of school. It was the first time they’ve been separated (which for triplets is honestly a bigger deal than starting school).

Then a coach kicked me up the backside, and I I compromised, as mums do: I’d apply, but only for a 10-minute session so I’d be back by pick-up.

The universe served me an upgrade: a 45 minute slot. Shit. I had to make it happen. Then I got invited up onto another stage too.

FMG Field Trip

(Pic: Me being interviewed for a live podcast broadcast on the big screen)

So last Thursday I got the boys ready in their cute new uniform then hefted an oversize tote full of FMG T-shirts to a field in the middle of nowhere.

I’d barely had time to find the coffee cart before I was interviewed live and beamed around the festival on a massive screen.

“What do mums feel guilty about?” the male interviewer asked me.

“Everything in the gap between the mum they expected to be or the one everyone else expected them to be and their reality.”

He was genuinely intrigued and we had a good chat about the challenges mums who run business have.

But I was only just getting started.

I’ll give you the low-down on what I actually spoke on the main stage in another post. Today, I want to share the three things I took away from Ideas Fest. Spoiler alert: none of them are about me.

3 Lessons from the Field

1, There’s a huge appetite to talk about mum guilt.

Mums saw me (and some of you) walking around the festival in our T-shirts and started opening up. In the toilet queue. By the stage. Passing in the field. Some just looked at the shirt and said, “I’m in.”

You could feel the pent-up demand for real, BS-free conversations about what we’re carrying as mums, and the impossible expectations we’re done with. Sometimes it just takes someone to start the conversation.

In the talk, I got everyone to decide where they were going to release some of the expectation pressure, and give themselves permission to fail. Then I got them to turn to the mum next to them and talk about it. Honestly, I couldn’t shut them up. I kept glancing between my watch and the organiser, but I didn’t want to stop them.

2, Allies can surprise

As I was getting ready, a dad in the front row asked if he could have a T-shirt. He squeezed into a size 16 looking very muscle beach, but sat attentively, engaged in the activities, got up and danced to Beyoncé with us and at the end asked for some resources for his wife.

Turns out the F*** Mum Guilt movement doesn’t only need mums.

(Pic: A whole bunch of mums dancing on the stage, living their best lives)

3, The ripple effect is real

My absolute favourite photo from Ideas Fest isn’t of me, and it wasn’t even taken at Ideas Fest.

As I was backstage by the fence, getting ready to go on, a mum who had already left the festival spotted the FMG T-shirts from the car park and came over. She said she really resonated with the message and wished she could stay for my talk, but she had to go and pick up her daughter.

“I get it,” I said. “Have a T-shirt.”

And I pushed one through the fence to her.

Later, I wondered who she was and cursed myself for not at least getting a name. A few days later she popped up on my LinkedIn feed in the FMG T-shirt having completed a Parkrun.

(pic: The inspiring Michelle Norton-Hughes at her Parkrun. Sidenote: turns out she’s a specialist in women’s pelvic health)

Not only had she taken some guilt-free time to exercise, but she’d sent out a signal to other mums, that she gets it, that she’s here to talk and ended up having a meaningful conversation with another mum at the run who was struggling that day.

That’s the whole point.

The F*** Mum Guilt message spreading mum to mum – at the school gate, in workplaces, WhatsApp groups, Parkruns, wherever one mum can look at another and say, “Me too.” Or, even if she’s not ready to say it out loud yet, at least feel a little less alone.

If you’re already here, you’re already part of it. This week, tell one mum friend about the F*** Mum Guilt movement, maybe even forward this on to her.

Much love,

Leila x