The day I said F*** Mum Guilt
A villageless mum snaps
Two years ago, pretty much to the day, I was 18 months into triplet motherhood, not just isolated but alienated. I’d been looking for my village. I didn’t find it anywhere.
I’d look at the perfect twins and triplets in perfect homes in perfectly matching outfits on Instagram and then look at my porridge-splattered kitchen, messy babies, and heap of laundry and wonder where I was going so wrong.
I’d compare myself to the mums at the library (the only baby activity I made it to was a rhyme time session) one of whom committed to an impeccable 1940s vintage look the whole time. I called her Miss Lemon, Hercule Poirot’s assistant, because she looked like a hotter, millennial version of her. I’d chide myself for not even brushing my hair and wish the municipal carpet would swallow me whole.
And then I saw a reel from a top motherhood influencer and bestseller saying:
“Only psychopaths who never feel guilt. Feeling guilt shows me how much you love and care.”
WTF. This triggered me. I knew how debilitating and toxic mum guilt is, and she was using it as a metric for how much you love your kids. So, by her standards, I didn’t love or care about mine.
What BS!
I was so angry that I did a reel, with no make-up, in my gym stuff, with Rafa in his highchair, announcing an event called “Fuck Mum Guilt” to shift the energy to empowerment. We’re not wearing mum guilt as a badge of honour.
(pic: me looking pretty pissed announcing our first event)
70 of you signed up.
We hit the national media (with a whole heap of trolls to boot)
We started a movement.
Two years on, I still feel as angry about the incessant expectations on mums, about the lack of maternal mental health support, about the supermum narrative, about mum martyrdom being glamourised. I’ll pause it there. But also, I still find motherhood the loneliest part of my life.
So I’m doing it again.
FMG Mother’s Day Takeover
We’re going to get together to say “F*** Mum Guilt” - you’re not serving us, you’re just making us feel shit with your fake news and gaslighting, and we are coming together to stand up to you.
Join me Tuesday 17th 8pm for a free Zoom where we can have honest conversations about our experiences of motherhood and chuck all our mum guilt on the fire.
I’ll also be sharing the 4-step framework to break up with mum guilt, which has gone on to help hundreds of mums.
If you’re ready to say “yes” to you and “no” to mum guilt, register here:
And bring your mum friends.