I smiled when I saw you gave up on matching outfits. I tried this for about a week when my twins were babies. But then one of them would spit up all over themselves and have to be changed so they never stayed matching for long. So I gave up. Since then I’ve met adult twins who have said “good job on not making them match clothes. I hated that when I was little!” So, my chosen F turned out to be an A after all. Hahaha
There a lot of things that I would want to have if not for the time (and money, which = time to some degree) that they would take away from my family life. House, car, dog, job with more prestige but longer hours, etc. Sometimes not following that script of "Buy these things that you have been told are essential!" feels weird.
I'm also willing to sacrifice my relationships with family members when we don't see eye to eye. I don't want my kids in houses with guns but no gun safes, and I don't want them growing up with family dinners where grandpa gets drunk and rude. I don't care if "everyone expects" wine at Thanksgiving dinner.
It may feel weird at first but it's liberating when you go, "Hang on a minute, I don't think I actually want that thing I was chasing anyway". I live in the UK. One one family member owned a gun and they kept it in a safe. I have 3 boys and cannot imagine what they'd do if they got their hands on a real gun. No one wants to hang out with drunk, rude people.
This is such a powerful reminder that being a good mother doesn’t mean excelling at everything. I love the idea of consciously choosing where to let go, so we can give more of ourselves to what truly matters. What would change for mothers if we stopped treating every imperfection as a failure and started seeing it as a necessary part of making room for what matters most?
Thanks for your thoughtful words. I used to be a project manager and we’d never pretend that capacity wasn’t finite. It’s the same with motherhood. We cannot to all of it, let alone do all of it well. So let’s focus on what matters to us and merrily ditch some of the stuff that doesn’t.
Well said. By the way, I'm Ruth, I write R.B.'s Substack, personal essays on identity, family, and the things we don't say out loud. If that's your kind of reading, feel free to check it out, and always open to collabs too.
Oooh Leila, I’ve never thought about it that way before. I have my priorities as a mum, but I’ve never actually named the things I’m prepared to let slide. My Fs. Definitely a beneficial exercise, food for thought. 🙌
Getting As where it truly matters: I'll keep that in mind this week, thanks!
I smiled when I saw you gave up on matching outfits. I tried this for about a week when my twins were babies. But then one of them would spit up all over themselves and have to be changed so they never stayed matching for long. So I gave up. Since then I’ve met adult twins who have said “good job on not making them match clothes. I hated that when I was little!” So, my chosen F turned out to be an A after all. Hahaha
There a lot of things that I would want to have if not for the time (and money, which = time to some degree) that they would take away from my family life. House, car, dog, job with more prestige but longer hours, etc. Sometimes not following that script of "Buy these things that you have been told are essential!" feels weird.
I'm also willing to sacrifice my relationships with family members when we don't see eye to eye. I don't want my kids in houses with guns but no gun safes, and I don't want them growing up with family dinners where grandpa gets drunk and rude. I don't care if "everyone expects" wine at Thanksgiving dinner.
It may feel weird at first but it's liberating when you go, "Hang on a minute, I don't think I actually want that thing I was chasing anyway". I live in the UK. One one family member owned a gun and they kept it in a safe. I have 3 boys and cannot imagine what they'd do if they got their hands on a real gun. No one wants to hang out with drunk, rude people.
This is such a powerful reminder that being a good mother doesn’t mean excelling at everything. I love the idea of consciously choosing where to let go, so we can give more of ourselves to what truly matters. What would change for mothers if we stopped treating every imperfection as a failure and started seeing it as a necessary part of making room for what matters most?
Thanks for your thoughtful words. I used to be a project manager and we’d never pretend that capacity wasn’t finite. It’s the same with motherhood. We cannot to all of it, let alone do all of it well. So let’s focus on what matters to us and merrily ditch some of the stuff that doesn’t.
Well said. By the way, I'm Ruth, I write R.B.'s Substack, personal essays on identity, family, and the things we don't say out loud. If that's your kind of reading, feel free to check it out, and always open to collabs too.
Oooh Leila, I’ve never thought about it that way before. I have my priorities as a mum, but I’ve never actually named the things I’m prepared to let slide. My Fs. Definitely a beneficial exercise, food for thought. 🙌