What has summer been trying to tell you?
And are you listening, Mama?
Summer is a natural gear shift.
(pic: Frankie at a Rockpool Safari organised by a local charity)
We slow down. We notice. But then, so often, we forget all that feedback and plough on. Not this time.
Every summer, life changes gear. The routines shift. We spend more time as a family. We spend more time outside.
And while I was really anxious about this back in June (I really didn’t want to let go of the usual term-time structure) I think there’s something really useful about it: data. You get to “try on” living a bit differently and see what the feedback is.
The problem is that most of us run the experiment and then don’t bother looking at the results. What a waste of data!
“Oh that was nice,” we say and then plough on back into our old routine as if it never happened. Or, in my case last year, “That was hell, let’s not ever do that again.”
What a missed learning opportunity.
Last year, when I asked myself what summer had been trying to tell me, I realised I was happier spending less time online. I wanted more time outdoors and more time with old friends. Nothing ground-breaking. I bet you can relate.
This year?
The message has been considerably less subtle.
This is Summer calling, I have a message for you:
1, Slow. The Fuck. Down. Mama.
I have triplets.
I cannot keep setting timelines for myself based on what I could achieve if I didn’t have three four-year-old boys and all the logistical, emotional, and physical work that comes with them. This morning I was shouting, "Don’t play football with the garlic boys, please!” before breakfast.
Yet the over-achieving part of my brain has failed to recalibrate in motherhood. I put so much pressure on myself to do and be more, but wouldn’t it be kinder to slow down and cut myself some slack? I’m done doing motherhood as if I was being chased by a tiger.
2, Stop comparing.
I look at what other people are building. How often they’re posting. How quickly their brands and Substacks are growing.
And then somehow my brain mistakes their capacity for mine. Why place that expectation on myself?
So I need to remind myself of one of the steps of breaking up with mum guilt: choose compassion not comparison.
3, Get off Instagram.
It started as just a little break whilst I was camping but if I’m being honest, I don’t really want to go back on.
I know this is not what my publishers will want to hear because I’m going to be promoting a book but when I take a step back it’s clear that Instagram triggers more fear-based emotions in me than fun-based emotions right now. So for the moment, the kindest thing I can do is avoid it. God that feels good to admit.
4, Stop multi-tasking.
Being pulled in two different directions is making me miserable.
I’m trying to post while my kids are running around. Phoning the bank while simultaneously breaking up a fight. Always ticking two things off the to-do list at once, or am I?
One thing summer has given me is much clearer boundaries. I’ve had days, weeks even when I’ve decided I’m offline. The out of office is on I’ve set clear expectations, pushed back big pieces of work until September.
When I’m working, I want to work. When I’m with the boys, I want to be with the boys. And when I’m off, I want to actually be off – not an unhealthy hybrid.
5, Stop filling every bit of space.
I am a squeezer-in of one more thing. I can’t help this automatic habit of trying to maximise. An unscheduled afternoon? Great, what can we squeeze in? A free hour? Excellent, what can I tick off?
But summer has reminded me that not every gap needs filling. My triplets can’t cope with that much stimulation in the heat, and nor can I for that matter.
Some of our best moments have happened when there was absolutely nothing planned. When the boys have had to make their own fun. When I’ve sat in the garden instead of tackling another job. It felt a bit unproductive at first, but maybe that’s actually the point. Mamas cannot be productive 24/7.
Get really honest with yourself, Mama
Before we get caught up in all the work of getting prepared for the back to school September rush, I want you to get really honest with yourself and ask yourself:
What has summer been telling you you need to stop.
What do you need less of in your life?
What is draining you, maybe even bleeding you dry?
Remember, the most useful thing you can take from summer isn’t what you did. It’s what you’re ready to stop doing.
About me: I’m Leila, triplet mum, TEDx speaker and founder of the F*** Mum Guilt Movement. This is a space for questioning the bullshit, rebelling against impossible expectations and making motherhood a happier place to be. Subscribe for a weekly dose of mama empowerment.