when i was going on mat leave the second time, I gleefully gave up a couple of extra roles at work. the boss boss is a lovely woman with two kids. she told me in a meeting before i left that i didn't have to give them up if I didn't want to, and we could normalise having a break in these roles ... it sounded good, but I realised I was looking forward to simplifying things at work. and she totally got it, and looked like maybe she needed to think about things some more. it was interesting! also, no regrets getting those roles off my plate so far
Yep it’s really about getting honest with about what works for you, what you want and what matters (not what others think you should do). You made the right call for you!
Yes! It sounds strange to “design” motherhood but if we don’t intentionally do it we end up squeezed into someone else’s mould and miserable. Next week I’m going to be breaking down the practical steps to do it. Stay tuned x
I think social media has made us compare ourselves not to one person, but to the best bits of hundreds of different people. No wonder it feels impossible to keep up.
Exactly- that’s exactly what I was trying to explain with Frankenmum. We cannot reasonably compare our cooking to a chef’s or our body to a PT’s or our home to an interior designer’s yet somehow we think we should be as good as everyone else at everything. When there is only one of us with 24 hrs in the day!
Yes even though I know it’s all smoke & mirrors I still feel mesmerised but the image the unrelenting ever changing benchmark. Someone else’s success. Terrifying this device of connection has this insidious effect on me. I never thought o was the addictive type until scrolling—doom scrolling is such an apt description for it.
I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve written about this many times over the years too. I’m glad to see the concept is finally getting the attention it deserves 🥰
Oh really? We should have a juicy chat about this. Do share anything you’ve written. It feels almost blasphemous to come out and say “We can’t have it all” but it’s the elephant in the room
THIS! Choosing what to prioritise is almost the whole battle right? I have found that once you strip down the areas where you really put your effort, things not only become easier but you also are able to perform better at what you are doing.
(Also catch me taking on another project/job in about 10 secs and not listening to my own, or your, advice!)
Yes 100% it’s about choosing what matters to you and literally letting the rest go. Bonus you start doing better where it matters which is more fulfilling. I’ll be going deeper next week x
I keep thinking that maybe the problem was never that women wanted “too much”, but that we were told we could have it all without being honest about what “all” actually requires from us. I still want ambition, motherhood, creativity, meaningful work, all of it. I’m just no longer convinced they all have to happen at full capacity at the same time. Maybe choosing what matters most in each season is its own version of having it all. Really loved this, Leila!!!! 🥰🥰
when i was going on mat leave the second time, I gleefully gave up a couple of extra roles at work. the boss boss is a lovely woman with two kids. she told me in a meeting before i left that i didn't have to give them up if I didn't want to, and we could normalise having a break in these roles ... it sounded good, but I realised I was looking forward to simplifying things at work. and she totally got it, and looked like maybe she needed to think about things some more. it was interesting! also, no regrets getting those roles off my plate so far
Yep it’s really about getting honest with about what works for you, what you want and what matters (not what others think you should do). You made the right call for you!
"But we can intentionally design a motherhood that works for us" - this hit home for me and is something I am really trying to do!
Yes! It sounds strange to “design” motherhood but if we don’t intentionally do it we end up squeezed into someone else’s mould and miserable. Next week I’m going to be breaking down the practical steps to do it. Stay tuned x
Love this "Not your mother-in-law’s. Not your friends’. Not an influencer’s. Yours." We often compare ourselves to highlight reels, not real life.
Yes and unless you design your motherhood around your values and what works for you it’s never going to feel aligned.
💯
I think social media has made us compare ourselves not to one person, but to the best bits of hundreds of different people. No wonder it feels impossible to keep up.
Exactly- that’s exactly what I was trying to explain with Frankenmum. We cannot reasonably compare our cooking to a chef’s or our body to a PT’s or our home to an interior designer’s yet somehow we think we should be as good as everyone else at everything. When there is only one of us with 24 hrs in the day!
Yes even though I know it’s all smoke & mirrors I still feel mesmerised but the image the unrelenting ever changing benchmark. Someone else’s success. Terrifying this device of connection has this insidious effect on me. I never thought o was the addictive type until scrolling—doom scrolling is such an apt description for it.
It is mesmerising because it’s so pretty. But fantasies always are.
I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve written about this many times over the years too. I’m glad to see the concept is finally getting the attention it deserves 🥰
Oh really? We should have a juicy chat about this. Do share anything you’ve written. It feels almost blasphemous to come out and say “We can’t have it all” but it’s the elephant in the room
Those elephants need to come out and play 😉 this was from 10 years ago - still so bloody relevant it hurts 🙈 https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/renee-davis/not-having-it-all_b_8279910.html
THIS! Choosing what to prioritise is almost the whole battle right? I have found that once you strip down the areas where you really put your effort, things not only become easier but you also are able to perform better at what you are doing.
(Also catch me taking on another project/job in about 10 secs and not listening to my own, or your, advice!)
Yes 100% it’s about choosing what matters to you and literally letting the rest go. Bonus you start doing better where it matters which is more fulfilling. I’ll be going deeper next week x
I keep thinking that maybe the problem was never that women wanted “too much”, but that we were told we could have it all without being honest about what “all” actually requires from us. I still want ambition, motherhood, creativity, meaningful work, all of it. I’m just no longer convinced they all have to happen at full capacity at the same time. Maybe choosing what matters most in each season is its own version of having it all. Really loved this, Leila!!!! 🥰🥰